


Lucifer And PUBLIC TRANSPORT

by AmyIsARealPhelps



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Crack, Minor Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Not Beta Read, Public Transportation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 08:32:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13142895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyIsARealPhelps/pseuds/AmyIsARealPhelps
Summary: What happens when Lucifer, our resident child and human (just in general) hating devil tries the horror that is public transport for the first time? Well I guess you'll just have to find out!





	Lucifer And PUBLIC TRANSPORT

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Antarctic_Echoes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/gifts).



> Hi everyone, especially my good friend Antarctic_Echoes who this is a Christmas present for- I did start a Maze related poem, its just not finished in time for Christmas. Oops. Maybe that's something for everyone in the future?? Anyway, I'm going to shut up now and let you hopefully enjoy this little piece of crack!

A loud squeaking of brakes, joined with a spluttering engine greeted me from outside Lux. The doors slowly squealed open. Drifting through the air, like mustard gas, came the stagnent stench of sweat, germs and a sprinkling of vomit. Ah, humanity at its best!

With all my usual grace, naturally, I slumped into a slightly crusty chair like a trained sea-lion into a child's paddling pool. Much to my disgust, the poor, unfortunate souls already on the bus refused to move and let me have a nicer seat- much better suited to me, an angel, than my father's pets. Apparently, sexual favours wont help them present a board meeting to the Chief Big-Wigs. How ridiculous! Sex has always solved my problems. Well, most of them. A heavy metal addict kindly blared his music for all to hear- simply adding to the cacophonous road noise and sound of teenage regret. Why did I listen to the Detective's suggestion of taking public transport to the precinct?

Silence. Everything stopped with a jolt.

A blood curdling wail cut through the musky air, freezing every occupant to their core (except me of course, the Devil is not scared of anything). Tiny feet ran up the aisle, each step causing a fierce shake like Godzilla trampling through Tokyo Bay. Following the gremlin came a perfect depiction of exhaustion. Heavy bags lined dull eyes that limp hair failed to hide, cracked lips peeled like a half forgotten orange and baggy clothing swamped a waif-like figure. What is wrong with people- first you have children and then to top it all off you wear THAT?! I pondered educating the woman on the life saver that is Prada but I realised she was a lost cause. No point wasting time on someone who thinks its okay to wear an animal-print-velvet tracksuit, especially in public. Plastic bags, bulging at the seams, made paying resemble an unsuccessful circus act. Has this creature not heard of online shopping? 

A sharp tug on my precious, hand-pressed Armani suit pulled me sharply from my musings. "Please can I sit next to you?" Shrieked a voice not unlike that of nails running down a chalkboard. My throat turned into sandpaper, I struggled for air and I glanced frantically around for any spare seats. Oh no the only empty seat was next to me ; curse dear old dad for such a cruel joke! Shifting so I was pressed flat against the window, I generously allowed the varmint to place itself next to me. The mother gave me what I presumed was a thankful smile, though it looked more like a grimance than anything.

In a manner that was no where near awkward (the Devil awkward? Pah!) I sat for what may have been an eternity before I spotted the warm, welcoming walls of the precint in all its stunning beige glory. Finally! Safety at last! Never before had Detective Douche's presence seemed so welcoming. When the bus eventually shuddered to a stop, I casually, calmly and rationally lept off like a desperate, white, suburban mother in the boxing day sales.

"Never again!!" I whimpered into the arms of a vaguely (very) amused Chloe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you everyone for reading and I hope you all liked it! Any constructive criticism is welcome and will gladly be accepted because I'm really a fiction writer- poetry's more my jam. I'm sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes- if there's anything major please let me know so I can fix it.  
> AE~ I hope to email soon when and if I can find the time <3
> 
> Anyway, thanks again and happy holidays to everyone!!


End file.
